I know someday I can use this to help others,I KNOW! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! God has used my trials before to help others and to help myself, but right now it really sucks to be in this situation! I'm doing whatever it takes to keep my home and pay my debt, but I'm so emotionally drained that I'm beginning to lose hope! I keep saying, THIS TOO SHALL PASS...but when it does, will it be His plan or mine?
I keep reminding myself that it is ALL for my FAMILY! That is how I have always tried to live my life and I know that is what God leads me to do! I know for certain that is what He wants from me! I know it will be a great witness to my kids someday-I KNOW God has a plan! But it is sooooooo very hard to keep my chin up and looking at the prize right now.
Feeling ashamed to use my food stamp card, working in a low pay retail job, working two or three or four jobs, keeping my kids fed and in college......I'm doing whatever it takes! Can I do more? Am I missing something?
I know this will "make me stronger", but I feel really weak right now and I'm feel like I'm in a hole with my hand reaching upward waiting for Him to pull me up. Can I go any lower? Is that His plan?
I'll continue on because I'll do anything for my family, but maybe His plan isn't for me to stay here? Maybe I'm fighting too hard and He has something different for us??? How do I know when to stop fighting for my home? I try to listen to God, but everything in me still says to fight...so I fight! God? Can you see me? Can you hear me? Am I doing the right thing? Are you proud of me or do you want me to stop?
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I don't think anyone, especially God expects any more of you. We are still going through a rough patch that has completely blindsided us.
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