The Grieving Process

I'm no expert in the matter, except for the fact that I feel it is relevant to the past several months of our plight to keep our home.

There are five stages of grief commonly experienced after a loss. A person may not experience all of these, and may not experience them in order. But, in time, healing will occur!

Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

I've been through hell these last few months. At first we tried to deny what was happening to us financially and that it would be temporary and we could easily fix it on our own with our savings. In the beginning, we were able to hide it and take care of it ourselves. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, we did withdrawal from social activities and responsibilities. Mostly I think because we couldn't handle it emotionally. I know I've been drained and have spent the last year faking a smile on the outside all the while I'm miserable inside.

After our savings and retirement ran out, I began feeling angry that the bank was jerking us around. A different story every other day and no real answers. And I've been angry about the what if's...what if we did this instead of that, what if we didn't spend this or go there, what if...blaming ourselves that we weren't better stewards of our money.

I've even bargained with God. And I'll admit, been angry with Him too. Constantly asking Why God? And never getting answers, never understanding or knowing what lesson was to be learned. I know God did not do this to us, but He did allow it to happen and will use it to help us or others. It is just so hard to wait.

It's hard to admit, but I've been depressed for months now. Why is there a stigma about depression? I don't want people to know I'm sad? But I am. I'm sad. Extremely and often overwhelmingly SAD! I'm often on the verge of tears, if not actually crying. I don't want to go anywhere and I sleep a lot (unless I'm working my ass of to earn money to give to a bank that won't take it and sends it back to me). Maybe it's because crying and sadness equal weakness and I don't want to appear weak. But I am sad.

So here we are. At the acceptance stage of grieving over the loss of our home, our future financial security, our dignity and pride, and our good credit. But these are just things. Things that can be built back up or replaced. We have our health, our intact and thriving marriage, our wonderful healthy children, and our awesome family and friends. And we have God, even though I was mad at Him and even though I can't hear or feel Him right now. I know with certainty, that He is there, waiting for us to come through this so He can show us our future and His plan for our lives.

So there it is. The grieving process of losing your home to foreclosure. Hope you can learn from our journey through this hell.