Last fall I helped some friends/clients find and purchase a new home. I was excited and thankful that they called me, not because I needed the commission check (which I did), but because they felt I was a Realtor good enough to use a second time. In fact, the home I sold them 6 years ago was my very first real estate transaction!
Usually, when a client owns a home and wants to move, you help them buy their new home and sell their existing home in turn. But, this was not the case. They decided that the market wasn't good enough to sell and they would instead turn it into a rental investment. At the time I thought to myself sarcastically, "maybe I'll be your renter", but did not let on that I would ever be in such a situation desperate enough to rent from a client. After all, I am a successful Realtor and that would be humiliating.
As we drove around Newberg yesterday shopping for rentals, we drove by their rental house. It hadn't yet been rented and there was a rental sign in the yard. Earlier I told Brian it would be too hard to tell them about our situation. They would lose respect for me and I would lose a client. But, after a day of searching, as we sat parked in front of their house, I dialed their number and made an appointment to look inside. Eventually. we found out that it had all the space we needed at a price we could afford, I told them about our situation, laid out the sad story and swallowed my pride. After all that, we found out that they didn't allow pets. So I swallowed my pride for nothing?
Today they called and said they would make an exception for us. We didn't have to pay an application fee and they were very encouraging and supportive. So, we found our new "home" and we can begin a new process--the process of starting over!
God has a sense of humor and a plan...it just took a few months for Him to convince me of this. Each day I find myself telling more and more people our "story" only to find a friendly smile, words of support and encouragement or people in the same ugly boat with us.
I think I will change the name of my blog to Starting Over.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Grieving Process
I'm no expert in the matter, except for the fact that I feel it is relevant to the past several months of our plight to keep our home.
There are five stages of grief commonly experienced after a loss. A person may not experience all of these, and may not experience them in order. But, in time, healing will occur!
Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
I've been through hell these last few months. At first we tried to deny what was happening to us financially and that it would be temporary and we could easily fix it on our own with our savings. In the beginning, we were able to hide it and take care of it ourselves. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, we did withdrawal from social activities and responsibilities. Mostly I think because we couldn't handle it emotionally. I know I've been drained and have spent the last year faking a smile on the outside all the while I'm miserable inside.
After our savings and retirement ran out, I began feeling angry that the bank was jerking us around. A different story every other day and no real answers. And I've been angry about the what if's...what if we did this instead of that, what if we didn't spend this or go there, what if...blaming ourselves that we weren't better stewards of our money.
I've even bargained with God. And I'll admit, been angry with Him too. Constantly asking Why God? And never getting answers, never understanding or knowing what lesson was to be learned. I know God did not do this to us, but He did allow it to happen and will use it to help us or others. It is just so hard to wait.
It's hard to admit, but I've been depressed for months now. Why is there a stigma about depression? I don't want people to know I'm sad? But I am. I'm sad. Extremely and often overwhelmingly SAD! I'm often on the verge of tears, if not actually crying. I don't want to go anywhere and I sleep a lot (unless I'm working my ass of to earn money to give to a bank that won't take it and sends it back to me). Maybe it's because crying and sadness equal weakness and I don't want to appear weak. But I am sad.
So here we are. At the acceptance stage of grieving over the loss of our home, our future financial security, our dignity and pride, and our good credit. But these are just things. Things that can be built back up or replaced. We have our health, our intact and thriving marriage, our wonderful healthy children, and our awesome family and friends. And we have God, even though I was mad at Him and even though I can't hear or feel Him right now. I know with certainty, that He is there, waiting for us to come through this so He can show us our future and His plan for our lives.
So there it is. The grieving process of losing your home to foreclosure. Hope you can learn from our journey through this hell.
There are five stages of grief commonly experienced after a loss. A person may not experience all of these, and may not experience them in order. But, in time, healing will occur!
Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
I've been through hell these last few months. At first we tried to deny what was happening to us financially and that it would be temporary and we could easily fix it on our own with our savings. In the beginning, we were able to hide it and take care of it ourselves. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, we did withdrawal from social activities and responsibilities. Mostly I think because we couldn't handle it emotionally. I know I've been drained and have spent the last year faking a smile on the outside all the while I'm miserable inside.
After our savings and retirement ran out, I began feeling angry that the bank was jerking us around. A different story every other day and no real answers. And I've been angry about the what if's...what if we did this instead of that, what if we didn't spend this or go there, what if...blaming ourselves that we weren't better stewards of our money.
I've even bargained with God. And I'll admit, been angry with Him too. Constantly asking Why God? And never getting answers, never understanding or knowing what lesson was to be learned. I know God did not do this to us, but He did allow it to happen and will use it to help us or others. It is just so hard to wait.
It's hard to admit, but I've been depressed for months now. Why is there a stigma about depression? I don't want people to know I'm sad? But I am. I'm sad. Extremely and often overwhelmingly SAD! I'm often on the verge of tears, if not actually crying. I don't want to go anywhere and I sleep a lot (unless I'm working my ass of to earn money to give to a bank that won't take it and sends it back to me). Maybe it's because crying and sadness equal weakness and I don't want to appear weak. But I am sad.
So here we are. At the acceptance stage of grieving over the loss of our home, our future financial security, our dignity and pride, and our good credit. But these are just things. Things that can be built back up or replaced. We have our health, our intact and thriving marriage, our wonderful healthy children, and our awesome family and friends. And we have God, even though I was mad at Him and even though I can't hear or feel Him right now. I know with certainty, that He is there, waiting for us to come through this so He can show us our future and His plan for our lives.
So there it is. The grieving process of losing your home to foreclosure. Hope you can learn from our journey through this hell.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
According to Wikipedia:
Lent, in Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Not to poke fun at a very serious Christian tradition, but I am giving up my bondage to Bank of America for Lent! As you know, I'm not one to take the path of least resitance, but I can't do this anymore. This past week I've prayed, meditated and thought seriously about this situation we are in. It's been a long hard battle, but I've fought a good fight and I'm ready to let go and let God. (How's that for a mouth full of Cliches?)
This house is just a house and there will be other houses. Although we made this our home for the past eleven years, there will be another place to call home in the future....'cause Home is Where the Heart is...right?
Not to poke fun at a very serious Christian tradition, but I am giving up my bondage to Bank of America for Lent! As you know, I'm not one to take the path of least resitance, but I can't do this anymore. This past week I've prayed, meditated and thought seriously about this situation we are in. It's been a long hard battle, but I've fought a good fight and I'm ready to let go and let God. (How's that for a mouth full of Cliches?)
This house is just a house and there will be other houses. Although we made this our home for the past eleven years, there will be another place to call home in the future....'cause Home is Where the Heart is...right?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Back at Square One
Another day, another call to BofA (called yesterday too).
Tried to get connected to Melvin...couldn't connect me...whatever! So I got to talk to Brian at ext 9468. He said we were referred to the Making Home Affordable plan but the review had "no recommendations at this time"...and I could resubmit my financials and try again. Oh, and of course I have the option of reinstating my loan and paying off all that is past due and all the late fees. Thanks for nothing BofA
So...back to square one.
Tried to get connected to Melvin...couldn't connect me...whatever! So I got to talk to Brian at ext 9468. He said we were referred to the Making Home Affordable plan but the review had "no recommendations at this time"...and I could resubmit my financials and try again. Oh, and of course I have the option of reinstating my loan and paying off all that is past due and all the late fees. Thanks for nothing BofA
So...back to square one.
Monday, February 8, 2010
A new excuse...
Another day of dead end phone calls to BofA. Nobody called me back, just as I expected so I called Jasmine and left a message. I also called the "Hope" team number again and was told they didn't have our account in their system and it wouldn't be until we got our Fed Ex package that the Home Retention Team sends out.
The last call was to the Home Retention Team...Sheena said there was no tracking number for a Fed Ex package so one has not been sent out yet. She also said that Freddy Mac loans were hard to get modification through and they have to push them through manually,(there's a new excuse I haven't heard yet) but that we are in review (which I don't believe) and that a negotiator has been assigned but the name is not in the system yet and that it will be 90-100 days before we hear about the modification. She said to make payments toward our loan because the mods are not guaranteed and then we will be responsible for everything past due if we don't get modified (duh). She suggested I call back every two weeks to check status and ask who negotiator is... blah blah blah blah....
The last call was to the Home Retention Team...Sheena said there was no tracking number for a Fed Ex package so one has not been sent out yet. She also said that Freddy Mac loans were hard to get modification through and they have to push them through manually,(there's a new excuse I haven't heard yet) but that we are in review (which I don't believe) and that a negotiator has been assigned but the name is not in the system yet and that it will be 90-100 days before we hear about the modification. She said to make payments toward our loan because the mods are not guaranteed and then we will be responsible for everything past due if we don't get modified (duh). She suggested I call back every two weeks to check status and ask who negotiator is... blah blah blah blah....
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Through my tears...
I know someday I can use this to help others,I KNOW! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! God has used my trials before to help others and to help myself, but right now it really sucks to be in this situation! I'm doing whatever it takes to keep my home and pay my debt, but I'm so emotionally drained that I'm beginning to lose hope! I keep saying, THIS TOO SHALL PASS...but when it does, will it be His plan or mine?
I keep reminding myself that it is ALL for my FAMILY! That is how I have always tried to live my life and I know that is what God leads me to do! I know for certain that is what He wants from me! I know it will be a great witness to my kids someday-I KNOW God has a plan! But it is sooooooo very hard to keep my chin up and looking at the prize right now.
Feeling ashamed to use my food stamp card, working in a low pay retail job, working two or three or four jobs, keeping my kids fed and in college......I'm doing whatever it takes! Can I do more? Am I missing something?
I know this will "make me stronger", but I feel really weak right now and I'm feel like I'm in a hole with my hand reaching upward waiting for Him to pull me up. Can I go any lower? Is that His plan?
I'll continue on because I'll do anything for my family, but maybe His plan isn't for me to stay here? Maybe I'm fighting too hard and He has something different for us??? How do I know when to stop fighting for my home? I try to listen to God, but everything in me still says to fight...so I fight! God? Can you see me? Can you hear me? Am I doing the right thing? Are you proud of me or do you want me to stop?
I keep reminding myself that it is ALL for my FAMILY! That is how I have always tried to live my life and I know that is what God leads me to do! I know for certain that is what He wants from me! I know it will be a great witness to my kids someday-I KNOW God has a plan! But it is sooooooo very hard to keep my chin up and looking at the prize right now.
Feeling ashamed to use my food stamp card, working in a low pay retail job, working two or three or four jobs, keeping my kids fed and in college......I'm doing whatever it takes! Can I do more? Am I missing something?
I know this will "make me stronger", but I feel really weak right now and I'm feel like I'm in a hole with my hand reaching upward waiting for Him to pull me up. Can I go any lower? Is that His plan?
I'll continue on because I'll do anything for my family, but maybe His plan isn't for me to stay here? Maybe I'm fighting too hard and He has something different for us??? How do I know when to stop fighting for my home? I try to listen to God, but everything in me still says to fight...so I fight! God? Can you see me? Can you hear me? Am I doing the right thing? Are you proud of me or do you want me to stop?
Please stay on the line. We'll assist you momentarily.
Back on hold with BofA...being persistent about checking on my loan mod and guess what? Per Erika, they assigned a negotiator (Glenda Ussery) but per Kesha, it doesn't look like the trial payment was locked in!!! Yep...that's what I've been told. Now she (Kesha) is reviewing my file with her supervisor. (Oh, and this is my second call today. The first time Erika was short and sweet and gave me very little info...so I said goodbye and immediately called back.)
As each customer service rep is eager to point out, time is ticking away and I need to get this figured out before June 1st.
Here's what Kesha said...In review, trial payment not locked in, people usually start making the payment right away, and then talked to supervisor. After that, she said super said the code thing wasn't done correctly and we are NOT in review and unfortunately I have to go over the entire process again...
So I said let's do it: as she "interviewed" me and I am answering the same questions for the billionth time, I asked her why a negotiator was assigned to me if I wasn't in review??? She couldn't answer and now I'm on hold again while she talks to her super again!!! Come on people...pull your head out!
(30 minutes into call so far!)
I might need to call back Melvin and see if I can get ahold of him...he gave me an extension--not sure if it's really his or not:) But worth a try! This feels like a full time job!
(43 Minutes into call...still on hold!)
She came back...said she reviewed my file with her manager and the manager said I'm not in review. I asked if the name of the negotiator I was given by Erika was a flat out lie...she didn't know.
I asked to speak to a manager and now I'm on hold again!
(48 minutes into call)
"Excuse me mam...are you requesting to speak to a supervisor or a manager?" And back on hold I go...
I was on the phone for an hour...got to briefly speak to the "manager" and gave her my phone number, got her first and last name and "direct line"--probably all lies! She said she would contact me by Friday (lies) and then gave me the phone number to the Hope Team (oh and she found this notation after I talked to Melvin last week about the Hope Team)--(more lies). When I called them, the Hope Team, (1-877-643-2788 ) I spoke to Evette who told me "due to the high call volume they would have to take my number and call me back within 24 hours" (lies). But hey...now they have my phone number documented a couple of times---bet they don't loose that when they need to start harassing me for late payments!!! $*@%^&*@!
As each customer service rep is eager to point out, time is ticking away and I need to get this figured out before June 1st.
Here's what Kesha said...In review, trial payment not locked in, people usually start making the payment right away, and then talked to supervisor. After that, she said super said the code thing wasn't done correctly and we are NOT in review and unfortunately I have to go over the entire process again...
So I said let's do it: as she "interviewed" me and I am answering the same questions for the billionth time, I asked her why a negotiator was assigned to me if I wasn't in review??? She couldn't answer and now I'm on hold again while she talks to her super again!!! Come on people...pull your head out!
(30 minutes into call so far!)
I might need to call back Melvin and see if I can get ahold of him...he gave me an extension--not sure if it's really his or not:) But worth a try! This feels like a full time job!
(43 Minutes into call...still on hold!)
She came back...said she reviewed my file with her manager and the manager said I'm not in review. I asked if the name of the negotiator I was given by Erika was a flat out lie...she didn't know.
I asked to speak to a manager and now I'm on hold again!
(48 minutes into call)
"Excuse me mam...are you requesting to speak to a supervisor or a manager?" And back on hold I go...
I was on the phone for an hour...got to briefly speak to the "manager" and gave her my phone number, got her first and last name and "direct line"--probably all lies! She said she would contact me by Friday (lies) and then gave me the phone number to the Hope Team (oh and she found this notation after I talked to Melvin last week about the Hope Team)--(more lies). When I called them, the Hope Team, (1-877-643-2788 ) I spoke to Evette who told me "due to the high call volume they would have to take my number and call me back within 24 hours" (lies). But hey...now they have my phone number documented a couple of times---bet they don't loose that when they need to start harassing me for late payments!!! $*@%^&*@!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)