Exasperated!

I started contacting our mortgage company in May 2009, long before we were late with any payments. We could never get anyone to talk to us and were always told that they cannot help us unless we've missed a payment.

Finally, when we could no longer avoid the unavoidable, we missed a payment. Since I've never missed a payment before, I assumed someone would contact us about the missed payment. I was wrong. Not only did they not call us, when I called them to discuss our situation and ask for help, they told me there was nothing they could do until we missed another payment. Seriously?

I am a Realtor with contacts in the mortgage industry! I can do this! I turned to every professional source I could find for help and advice. It seemed that nobody was having any luck with their personal mortgage company and this so called Making Home Affordable Program.

So we missed another payment, and again, no call and no help when I called them. I began to worry and get frustrated. Then we got a letter. The letter told us that if we missed another payment the mortgage company would begin the foreclosure processes and after 120 days our home would be auctioned/sold.

What? But we tried to communicate with you and you wouldn't even talk to us and now you are going to take our home? What about the Making Home Affordable Program? Once again, Panic set in!

I began to process the inevitable. We would have to move. Our twins would head to college, and we would look for a home to rent. After Christmas, we would say good-bye to our beloved home and turn the keys over to the bank. I couldn't walk through my yard without crying and thinking of the many losses that would soon follow...my roses that I tenderly pruned and groomed...my collection of flowers that I acquired from friends and nurtured though our 10+ years here...the deck my dad and I built the summer before he died...the arbor my father in-law built so I could plant my favorite plant-wisteria...the memories made with birthday celebrations and family/friend BBQ's...the days playing in the sunshine with my kids...and my special made gate and stone walkway that I created to my best friend's house. I hadn't even told her I was in trouble financially, and now I would have to tell her I would soon be moving.

I have contacted the mortgage company over a dozen times since May, 2009 and still haven't had anyone communicate with me/help me figure out what I can do to adjust my mortgage, keep my home, or arrange to refinance!

Prideful

I have never really thought of myself as a prideful person. But the day I signed up for food stamps was very hard for me. I was afraid someone would see me walk into the building. What if their was someone I knew there? I was ashamed and emotionally exhausted. I didn't even think we would qualify. It turned out, we were below the national poverty level. Speechless!

When I knew we weren't able to make our house payment again this month, I panicked. I drove myself to the local food pantry and meekly asked for help. I was greeted with kindness and given a box of food, some fresh fruit and bread. At the time,we didn't really need the items they gave me, but I felt a sense of relief. I knew that if necessary, I had a way to feed my family. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We usually give food to food banks, not take food.

The food stamp card-every time I use that card I am worried about who might see me or what the cashier must think of me. I'm pretty sure my kids don't even know about the food stamps, even though they know we are struggling to keep our house and pay our bills. This is not their fault, and they do not need to worry.

Last month, we sat the kids down and told them our situation. We told them we would do everything we could to keep our home, but that there was a chance that we would have to move into a rental house next year. We reassured the girls that this would not affect their plans to go to college in October, and that no matter what,we would get through this as a family! I am so thankful that my marriage is strong, my family is healthy, and we have love and happiness in abundance in our home.

Once we said these words out loud, we knew we couldn't continue the facade any longer. Our next move was to tell our parents and ask for their help. That was hard, as this was not their problem either. We haven't had to ask them for help in the 20 years we've been married, so this was very difficult. This isn't supposed to happen to us. We work hard, pay our bills, are good parents and responsible citizens. Again, I felt ashamed.

Very Humbling

This has been a very humbling experience. In fact, we have kept our circumstances as private as possible. But now, at the expense of embarrassment and shame, I have decided to "go public" with our trials in hopes that we can not only find a way to get through this with our home and our dignity, but also, possibly be able to be a helpful witness to others in this same situation.

My tears flow freely as I carefully type these words, knowing that there is no return to our secret plight once I publish this blog. Even our very closest friends do not know that we have been desperately struggling to pay our bills and keep our home for almost two years. We kept this secret, not because we thought our friends would judge us, but because we didn't want pity or cause worry to others. We even kept our secret from our family until a few weeks ago.

I know by now you are wondering how bad our situation could be. When the real estate market took a downturn in October of 2007, we thought our loss in income would be temporary (FYI-I'm a Realtor). Although we had heard the sayings "save for a raining day" and "don't count your chickens before they hatch", we have never seen a reason to do this. That advise was for past generations, not ours. Every year Americans (and us) make more money, get nicer appliances, houses, cars and gadgets. We have never personally experienced an economic crisis. Until now!

The truth is, we are now almost 3 months behind in our house payments. We even struggle to keep food in our pantry. Although I got a temporary substitute teaching assistant job last school year, it wasn't enough to make up the difference in the income I make as a realtor. On top of all this, we've spent all of our 401K retirement savings, as well as the small amount of savings we did have. Oh, and that temp job disappeared with all the teacher budget cuts last year.

Sounds bleak? Feels bleak!

We've both applied for jobs daily. We get rejections as fast as we apply. Sometimes, when we do get to speak with someone about the job opening, we hear there are hundreds of applicants for each job. But we keep trying and try to feel hopeful...truthfully, I feel hopeless most days.